This is an excerpt from my company’s construction contract safety policy, likely written by engineers and non-English speakers in Thailand. There was an attempt to “write like a lawyer”–the results were less than ideal.
Lesson 1: Use clear language. If you need to re-read a sentence or paragraph to understand it, it still needs work. Keep it simple.
Lesson 2: When you define a term (see the final paragraph), use it correctly (“JSA” instead of “SJA”).
Lesson 3: Using all caps on defined terms clogs up readability. Change these to regular roman type.
Finished product below.
Scoreboard: 249 words reduced to 210 (-39). And much clearer.
If you notice anything else, leave a comment.